an illustration of jeane napoles

What will you do if you have 10 Billion pesos in your bank account?

This amount of money was bagged by the controversial Janet Lim-Napoles throughout her scheming years of “business” partnership with (sadly) some of our lawmakers. I am not well versed in this government budget lingo so It’s difficult for me to express the nitty-gritty of the greatest organized theft operation in recent Philippine history.

So to sum-up, the Pork Barrel Scam is how the Senators and congressmen fucked the Filipinos’ tax money to sustain their lucrative lives while they see poor children die of salmonela and the underpaid workforce swim in the flood… Oh, Janet Napoles sits right in the middle like Jabba the Hutt grabbing commissions from the transactions.

So let’s dissect a fraction of the amount of money they took from the pockets of the average Filipinos and illustrate it to something we know very well–travel.

janet-napoles-mug-shot-20130829 copy

The Napoleses own 28 houses around the country, making it 30 if you include the upper and lower houses of the congress. So that’s breakfast in Alabang, siesta in Forbes Park, slumber party in Punta Fuego and weekend chill in Mactan Cebu. But the youngest brat, Jeane, spent her college life in their posh Ritz-Carlton unit in Los Angeles. According to the residence’s website it will costs at least $2,000,000. How much is 2 Million US dollars? It will be enough to finance a family to stay in a $100 hotel room for 55 years of continuous travel around the world.

Same amount of money will suffice a clean-up and improve the Philippines’ 1970’s la boheme nouveau landmark with forgotten Frank Lloyd Wright’s prairie interior laced with years of neglect–making it like the country’s premier nicotine stained smoking room, also known as Ninoy Aquino Terminal 1.

On her 18th birthday, Jeane received a car as gift from her parents. This is no ordinary entry level Japanese make but a brand new 2008 Porsche Cayenne in the tune of $42,503. Recently, she posted a picture of a new ride via her Instagram account, a 2012 Porsche Boxster setting you back at $65,200. That amount will be able to purchase six mini buses which can be used as free transfer shuttles for the common tax payers from NAIA terminals to the nearest public transportation hubs.

The socialite’s 21st birthday party was held in a Beverly Hills hotel in Hollywood. Instead of “Who is she wearing?” we better ask “How much is she wearing?”

Here is a sample of her usual red carpet ensemble (As flaunted in her tumblr account): YSL Tribute Leather sandals at $875; Chanel timeless clutch at $1,900; Hublot white Big Bang watch starts at 11,400 euros; Celine Medium Luggage Tote at $3,100; Chanel watch at 4,000 euros; and  a Herve Leger bandage dress at $1,568. That’s a whopping price tag of 1.2 Million pesos for a head to toe get-up making Imee Marcos look so pedestrian.

Do you know that 1.2 Million pesos (US$30,000) will be enough to put-up tourists information counters in 5 of the busiest airports in the country? Same amount of cash is enough to finance a backpacking adventure across the 7 continents for 15 straight months. And that fucktard spent it for a single red carpet look, which by the way, minus the cost of her grand arrival by a private limousine in the same event where Johnny Depp arrived driving his own car.

This is just petty cash as compared to the unfathomable magnitude of the ill-gotten wealth of Janet Napoles. That made me want to wrap myself with a name embroidered blanket, jump in a basket and wait for her to find me on one of her mansions’ doorstep. I would love to volunteer for adoption, milk for travel allowance and live a haut monde jet-setting life, Napoles style.

Now Jeane, I am giving you the chance to surrender that Christian Louboutin, that was all my hard-earned over time hours in 2010. Bitch, give it to me or I will kick you in the vagina!


“If you don’t get caught,
that’s the only time you can say
you deserve everything you have stolen.”
— Daniel Nayeri


Whining by: Ron

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  • Chloe

    September 1, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    The best blogpost about Napoles so far I’ve ever read.

  • flipntravels

    September 2, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    thanks Chloe! 🙂

  • Stella Sandoval

    September 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

    After reading this, all I could say was “wow.” Wow because you had exposed the story in the most direct, interesting, and brutally honest way possible. And wow because I couldn’t believe all of this had actually happened in real life. If this were a film, I’d be the first to express my desire to give it a character mortality rate a la Game of Thrones. But viewing this as a reality, like wow. She better not let me get my paws on those heels, what with their pointy edges.

  • Jeane Napoles

    September 16, 2013 at 5:20 am

    What is your address dear? I’ll FEDeX you a set of Louboutin’s for writing about me. Kisses.

  • flipntravels

    September 16, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    HAHAHA this made my day.
    Send me your valid email so that I can send my shoe size!

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