flip'n travels

You might think that it was a typo. You might think Ron and I developed another liking to weird things (ok, maybe not weird, just unconventional [ok, maybe conventional, but not many people would admit to liking it]). You might even think that we gave in to Bangkok’s glitter. I have to correct myself when I said that Lub’d was the only highlight of our trip. It was Lub’d AND the PORN house. Yes, you read that right, the PORN house. Feast your eyes on this…

with the porn chicks

Remember when we had to leave Grand Palace? Well, the ticket there included a pass to the world’s largest golden teakwood mansion, the Vimanmek. We decided to visit the place the next day. And because we were bursting with energy, we left the hotel a couple of hours past noon, stopped by 711 for our daily dose of cheap coffee and arrived in the area with only a few minutes to spare.

Somewhere between the main entrance and the tourist information center, I told Ron I smell bread baking. And holy guacamole, it was us! Yes, you could have stuck a fork in our butts and turned us over because we were done. We rushed to the center for shade and walked around, there was really nothing to see. And finally, we saw the huge mansion. We approached. Lady guard informed us they were about to close. Ahhh… our last day in Thailand and THAT was just the wonderful cherry on top of the cake. We walked out of the complex with no hopes of redemption in the last leg of our god-forbidden trip.

Please note an absence of pictures of the mansion, right here.

And then… in my peripheral vision I saw a shop. It was nothing out of the ordinary, I think it was because we were cramming in buying trinkets for the people at home that we let ourselves get side-stepped. We were welcomed by two lovely Chinese ladies who offered us tamarinds while we shopped. They were very accommodating and conversational in a non-irritable manner that by the time we were finished with our shopping, we already know their family history. Ron haggled with the prices while the other lady stuffed him with guavapple (hybrid of guava and apple) like there’s no tomorrow. I tried to find something small to carry and would fit in my already-filled bag. We ended up buying more than what we have planned. Basically, 95% of our pasalubongs came from that store. We promised them that if we have friends who are going to Bangkok, we’d recommend their shop. So here we are… recommending… *wink wink* We left with our bags full, plus an extra plastic bag of tamarinds.

So… where ever did we get the porn house?

Ron and I were sitting in a restaurant, waiting for the sunset while talking about our experience in the store when a waiter approached us. We showed the picture to him, hoping to get the name of the store. He said porn. Ron and I looked at each other and smirked (and we were not being meanies, we just thought it was funny). I asked the guy to repeat it and I got the same answer. Ron decided to have the guy write it down in English. He wrote: PORN. We just knew those ladies had us at hello.

Getting to the PORN house store:

Go to Wat Pho (Temple of the Reclining Buddha), Go to the river bank side of the temple (Thanon Maha Rat St.), right across the temple gate is the souvenir shop with the blue signage.

They have the lowest prices we’ve seen all across Bangkok.

Damnoen Saduak is popularly known as the floating Market and the Venice of Asia.  Every Morning, the Floating Market is routinely crowded with hundreds of vendors and purchasers floating in their small rowing boats. They usually use small traditional boats, however, today the long-tailed engine boats became more popular. Vendors are selling and buying or exchanging their goods, which are particularly food, fruit and vegetable which mostly brought from their own orchards, in recent years these goods were replaced with souvenirs and trinkets for tourists, and the floating market became a huge souvenir shop.

Other than “Damn! I lost my Calvin Klein sunglasses there!” I can only say this, and I quote:

“I will say no more, because there’s no more to say!”
~Anna Leonowens (The King and I, 1956)

HOW TO GET THERE: There are public buses both air and non air-conditioned leaving from the Southern Bus Terminal in Pinklao-Nakhonchaisi Rd. for Damnoen Saduak every 40 minutes from 06.00 AM. onwards. Fare is around Baht 49 (one way) for air-conditioned and Baht 30 for normal buses. The most suitable time to be at the market is from 8:00 – 10:00 in the morning and the travel time is about two hours.

The sun baked our skins as we made our way out of the Grand Palace feeling bitter and shunned by everything Thai. We wanted to turn our lucks by walking towards nowhere thinking we’d probably stumble upon something interesting, like a drag queen who looks like Lady Gaga. A tuktuk driver spider-sensed that we were confused and disoriented and approached us with a plan. “I’ll take you to two temples for free if you can drop by to this tailor shop that I know,” he said. Too tired to argue, we hopped on to his mechanical beast and drove off to the shop.

hahahaha… ha!

Like what Ron mentioned in the previous article, these tuktuk drivers commission their passengers to visit jewelry shops and tailor shops in exchange for gas coupons. The receptionist welcomed us with disappointment. He knew we were just looking around… We really didn’t care. The first day, we were taken to this huge jewelry factory (not sure if this is the appropriate term) and the lady kept insisting Ron to buy me a ring. People! If you could just lend me your ears… We are NOT dating! So anyway, we hopped back on to the tuktuk and asked the driver to just take us wherever it was he was going to take us.

Luang Pho To at the Wat Indravihan Temple

A guy selling birds for offering

Flowers for sale

A faithful

The driver took us to Wat Indravihan Temple where a huge well-known statue of the Buddha stands. The 32-meter tall and 11-meter wide edifice is called Luang Pho To and was built during the reign of King Rama IV. It was noticeable that the place was very much like Quiapo with the noise and number of people roaming around the complex. At some point, I really thought that the guy barking his merchandise sounded like the guy facilitating a BINGO game on the sidewalk. It was so chaotic that I practically dragged Ron out and back into the tuktuk and told the the driver to take us to the last of the temples he suggested.

Not sure if this is Wat Bowon Niwet or Wat Ratchanatdaram… Pft!

So the driver rode off and parked at a seemingly nice temple. We went inside. It was closed. We were not amused…

It was about 3pm when we got back to the hostel. We dumped our bags and went to 711 and had lunch. Back at Lub*d, we went straight to the PC and updated our statuses to hateful bantering. I decided to get my book and read and Ron obtundedly sat inside the hostel room. Clearly, at about 4pm in the afternoon of our second day in Bangkok, the day was officially over.

After our anticlimactic Muay Thai momentus-interruptus and we finally convinced ourselves that watching two amateur fighters throwing bravado on each other is too high a price, we headed of the most beaten path in Bangkok.

Upon entrance in the grand palace, Monette rented a mothball smelling cover-up. Apparently, we were entering the most sacred temple in Bangkok and her tank top was too revealing that monks may get an unwanted wood works.

hor phra monthian dharma

It was mid-day and it seemed like clouds were not so popular in Thailand. It was too hot it can make straight hair curl, and gay men straight. Despite that, we still tried savoring every single minute inside the temple complex. After an hour, we barely moved and we were still within 20 meters away from the entrance.

giant yak in front of hor phra monthian dharma

phra siratana chedi

kinnorns (a mythological creature, half bird, half man) adorning prasat phra debidorn

It was uncomfortably hot to sketch and taking photos was a painful effort. There were lots of tourists loitering the complex and so the numerous distractions were hovering us unstoppably. So we just sat, looked around, watched tourists, stared blankly in front of a Chedi.

Temples of Wat Phra Kaew are actually… well they’re… pretty… and… sorry I’m short of words to say. Just like the over-used break-up excuse, I would sincerely say–It’s not the place, it’s me!I may have to blame the route that we took, because Siem Reap is definitely a hard act to follow. Wrong order of destination.

Siem Reap temples invoke unexplainable emotions. You stand there and you feel that you are standing in the presence of something great and magnificent and ancient. You feel one with the environment. Temples in Bangkok are nice, don’t get us wrong. The intricate designs, wonderful carvings, detailed paintings and tedious mosaics are all pleasing to the eye. It’s just that seeing them within the city with all the other buildings takes away the spiritual essence of such religious edifices. They’re just… buildings…

The comatose-inducing boredom was broken when another tourist approached us, telling us we better hurry because the complex will close in an hour.

“What the F*ck!? How come the lady in the ticket booth didn’t tell us that the king and queen of Malaysia were in town and that they will be closing the palace!”

Unbelievable! That meant we barely had an hour to explore the 218,000 sqm complex. GREAT!

notice our pictures from hereon… fake smiles or no smiles at all…

We tried demanding for a refund, but what’s the point of arguing if the one whom you’re talking to cannot even conjugate a clear message.

ME: “we want a refund, we just bought the ticket an hour ago”
Ticket Lady: “Yes?”
ME: “we want a refund, you didn’t tell us that you will be closing at 1:00 PM”
Ticket Lady: “No, ticket not wasted, can go to Vimanmek”
ME: “But we haven’t seen 80% of the Grand Palace!”
Ticket Lady: “yes?”
ME: “NAK NG TOKWA NAMAN ’TEH O!”

We gave up the hopeless battle and asked what gate we’re suppose to exit. They unanimously pointed us towards the other end of the square. So we walked under the scorching sun and reached the other end of the enclosure wall just to find out—they sent us to the WASH ROOM!

After 30 minutes of trying to find the exit, we found ourselves outside the walls of the Grand Palace, just in time for the arrival of the entourage of the king and queen of Malaysia. We decided to leave the scene before our schizophrenic selves ran amok because of the harsh deprivation. And no, this was not the last of the mishaps we encountered that day.

So… why don’t we continue the story… in the next entry…

“… Pairs of MALE Elephants will be released to the forest of America. There is hope that they will grow in number…”
~King of Siam (Yul Bryner, The King and I 1956)

The day started with a half-baked excitement. We pretty much wasted more than two hours looking for the money changer that would accept our Peso bills. After 140 Baht on the cab meter, several kilometers of Bangkok sprinting action and litters of juicing fat squeezing out our pores, we couldn’t help but pacify the plea of our intestinal parasites, so we settled with a 7-Eleven brunch. To our surprise, the iced coffee tastes better than most non-Starbucks lattes, and the spicy chicken floss sandwich is no less palatable than those of Bread Talk’s—not bad for a 100 Baht meal. We’re not sure if it was a subconscious compensation because we were (at that point) technically broke; or it was really that good. It became our refuge for the entire three days of Thai shenanigan.

Walking around Bangkok was definitely not a walk in the park for us, as we had difficulties going to places simply because road signs are all in Thai and not a lot of people can speak English. In some cases we got shooed even before we even got the chance to say Sawasdee Ka/Krup. So, get used to the classic rejection “No English!”

When I think of Thailand, the first thing that comes in to my mind would be the temples. And yes there’s a fair share of temples in Bangkok and it’s not an outlandish experience if you stumble with one of them while walking around the city. In our case we came across Wat Intharawihan, Wat Mahathat Yuwaratrangsarit, Wat Pho and Wat Phra Kaew. I know it’s a mouthful, the official names are even longer, even a spelling bee wiz will get an epistaxis (READ: Nose bleed).

If it’s not for the monks, Thai signage, temples, tuktuk’s and the endemic sightings of the King’s pictures, we would feel that we are in the Philippines. The weather and people are so much like of what we have back home. We even, at times, accidentally call the street vendors “Ate” and the drivers “Manong.”

TIP: Tuktuk ride costs between 50-150 baht depending on the destination. But you can have the ride for free. Try to negotiate with the driver to bring you to affiliated commercial establishments (Jewelry stores, textile shops, souvenir outlets and the likes) they get a fuel vouchers for every tourist that they can bring regardless if you’ll buy or not. This will consume 20-30 minutes of your time, but the deal is fair considering you get a free ride to your desired destination. We did this the whole time we were in Bangkok to save few of hundredths of Baht.

FACT: The traditional name of Bangkok is ‘Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit’. It is listed by the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s longest name for a place.

There are other things we could’ve done if we had sufficient funds to finance our caprice. One is experiencing the infamous Muay Thai game. We asked around for the price of a ticket, and realized it was too expensive–“dude, we don’t have plans of taking home the fighters after the match… and with that price, we can resurrect the male Nong Toom.” So Muay Thai is definitely out the window.

Instead, we decided to gravitate towards the classic over pop—We bought tickets to the Grand Palace. According to the map that we snatched from the hostel, the Grand Palace is behind this temple thingamajig which turned out to be several kilometers away, GREAT!

Outside the ticket booth, tourists from all over are coming in and out like there’s a relief operation happening inside the complex. Ticket costs around 700 baht. OK, fair! We can stay and hang around the entire day savoring history, art, architecture and what not. But to our dismay, another unfortunate thing happened…

to be continued