damn you, captain morgan!

Dear Captain Morgan,

You made me hate myself that night you decided to invade the Philippines. It was worse than your friend Magellan when he booked his cheap package holidays to our archipelago half a century ago and decided to change the fate of my country as my ancestors knew it. I know, I know… You are Welsh and the other guy was Portuguese, but you pirates are all the same. That night, you made me a corporate sell-out. You made me sit, together with my friends, at a marked table. A table that said “media.” The horror!

As the night went by, it became obvious that our friend, Jerik, had abandoned the ship. It was he who placed us under your mercy (Which reminds me, I haven’t even spoken to him since. Mental note: slap Jerik when I see him). You weren’t there when we arrived. I understand, your overcoat was too big and heavy and it takes getting used to. While we waited, you made me break my relationship with beer and instead commit adultery with rum. And you had to make it a threesome because I can’t have you without Coke!

You also knew my weakness… Greasy and loathsome barchows. Oh, how you wrapped me around your tiny little fingers…

By the time you arrived, I was on my second; no, wait… third glass, of your poison. I had to concentrate on looking at you like a pinata. You were sweeping the floor like crazy, dancing from one end to the other, ushering people to look inside your “treasure chest” and dig in to your “family jewels.”

And dude, did you really have to call your girls “Morganettes?” I mean, that’s so close to my name, I cringe whenever you said it! Alternately, I also imagined raisin-figured women coated in chocolates… I mean, come on!

 I will never forget that night. It was crazy, but I have to admit it was fun. It felt like being sucked back to my 18-year old self. Now THAT you did to me…

Morganette. I mean, Monette (dammit!).


from left: Moi, Micaela, our visiting friend Alexa, Lauren, Marco, and Marky was taking the picture (thanks dude!)

EPILOGUE | I came home super drunk. I can’t remember the last time I felt like that, the last time was maybe 4 or 5 years ago… I came home and did what drunk kids do, twice; and I did it again when I woke up in the morning. By the way, I also cannot explain how my bedsheet turned into my blanket… Damn you, Captain Morgan!!!

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  • Micamyx|Senyorita

    December 10, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Morganette :)) I remember that night LOL naubos yung gift mo dapat sa akin hehe and yes, Jerick, laki ng kasalanan mo sa amin! More Captain Morgan parties with hot brapanese guys, please! 😛

  • Aleah | SolitaryWanderer.com

    December 10, 2011 at 5:52 am

    You guys looked so cool…media? Wahaha. Hope to join you in your future Captain Morgan love affairs!

  • Journeys and Travels

    December 10, 2011 at 5:59 am

    nice nice. Its great to be on the first when something is given a breakthrough and what a great experience it was. hehe

    Thanks for this

  • Marky

    December 10, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Great thing I was cheating, drinking more soda than Capt Morgan (well more than the normal rum to soda ratio) and had Monette down most of the first bottle.

  • Stephanie - The Travel Chica

    December 10, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I do not think I have had Captain Morgan’s since University. I had enough for a lifetime!

  • David @ Malaysia Asia

    December 11, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    haha at least you got home in one piece! It’s been a loooong time since I had Captain Morgan’s and my last experience with rum was with Tandhuay, something out of South Philippines that I got in Mabul Island… oh, I got so smashed too.

  • Christian | Lakad Pilipinas

    December 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    kampay pa!! 😛

  • Bonzenti | Con Tour Blog

    December 12, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Galing ni Marky. Soda ang tinira. Curious also with that Captain Morgan. :-).

  • jenjenk

    December 13, 2011 at 6:07 am

    funny…i’m sure i’ve said that many times myself. 🙂

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